My heart’s not broken… it’s just shattered

The beginning is always the hardest part… the end is maybe the part we dream shouldn’t exist. For one way or another it happens, and it’s been happening for a long long way up to right now. You say you’re tired, you say too much is enough… and you say I don’t care.

The truth is… I’m tired too, I´m tired of thinking, I´m tired of crying from the inside and for my inside, I’m tired of looking for some way to make you forgive my mistakes, and I’m tired of not being able to forgive yours because you just don’t stop saying what happened was all my fault and you just wash your hands clean out of this.

I’m tired of you always finding a way to hurt me, I’m tired of hurting you as well… I’m tired of not being capable to gaze into someone else´s eyes and feel alive because you keep killing me with every word you say.

What about hello? How you’ve been? Let’s talk… (Not complainning. Talk)

Maybe I’m the worst person in the world for you, just maybe. Even though I’m tired of you proving that you feel I am.

You say you love me, you say I never loved you, you even say I don’t know what love is… but you cannot see inside of me, and I won’t let you, because you made me realize I can’t put my trust in your hands… You rather believe in what other people say about me, instead of asking me face to face… but you wouldn’t. Or would you? No you don’t need to do it so… you’re out of concern you can walk away happy with whoever can cross the sky in an airplane. But I can’t try to find someone who simply love me as I am because that’s a mistake right?

Everything I do is another mistake to you, only you can do the same things I do and be a hero, meanwhile I’m just a traitor. But here’s the thing I feel betrayed before everything collapsed. And I even gave you in the hand the proof that told you why I a felt like being killed by you.
But you rather believe in other people’s words when you can’t even prove the right. And you don’t trust me.

You say you love me… but you don’t. You love someone I can’t be, you love someone you want me to be, but you don’t love who I am, in fact, you hate me. And you don’t even have a clue of how you’ve been hurting me all this time. But I never said anything. Why? Because you’re not the only one who plays the fool just to feel comfort.
I’m a human too.

I’m not mad at you, I’m just disappointed. My heart’s not broken. It’s shattered. And I’ve been feeling this way before it all began.

I’ve always felt you don’t love me even you say you do… you said our opinion of love is too different, and you’re right. For me love’s not just postcards and fancy flowers. Love’s something you feel within. It’s something that burns inside. Something that makes you move and enjoy each day for the simply fact of have someone beside you, wheter they can promise you the future or not.

You say you live for the moment, but you left because I couldn’t promise the future. You don’t understand that I’m not perfect, you don’t see that I I have to carry with same uncertainty you do, you just don’t see who I am, just who you want me to be.
You say you love me. But you’re with someone now… and I just can’t move on because I keep writing these feelings that won’t let me go.

I’m trying to carry on, I already told you that, and maybe I just don’t know how yet, and this is even harder when I try to look into someone else´s eyes and there’s you. You is all I see. You say I don’t love you, but I do… But you won’t listen when I tell you everyone’s got different ways to love. You say I don't love you... then maybe you don't know me.

Love’s not defined and ruled process. You should know by now.

This is no one’s fault, I don’t blame you for what happened, so please stop blaming me. If you just want me out of your life because I’m not important enough for you, it can only be your decision.

You say you just can´t see me with other people, you say you just don’t want to be around when I’m happy. But you’re with someone else now, and you just don’t care of how I feel… it brings my heart to ashes but even though I’m trying to feel happy for you, because you’ve found someone new. And yet… you say I’m the selfish one!

I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you expected, everything you wanted from me is everything that I could never be, that is why it’s so frustrating for you, I understand, but you don’t love me. You love someone I can’t be.

Maybe it’s too late for me to say this, maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe you will never read this, but here it is… my frustration opened… as my heart is been all this time. And as it will be for you if you decide to keep a friend. A friend who loves you a friend who needs you, and you just don’t see it. But I’m selfish.

Even though we’re burning bridges standing on opposite sides of the great divide.
Be selfish for once. Choose a friend.
But I ain’t begging anymore, I just can’t. I want to, but I just can’t.

We have to carry on.
I have to carry on, because I can't live this way...

I'm not broken... I'm shattered.




And I feel something like this right now...

"I Don't Know You Anymore"

I would like to visit you for a while. Get away and out of this city. Maybe I shouldn't have called but someone had to be the first to break. We can go sit on your back porch. Relax. Talk about anythingIt don't matter I'll be courageous if you can pretend that you've forgiven me. Because I don't know you anymore I don't recognize this place. The picture frames have changed and so has your name. We don't talk much anymore. We keep running from the pain. But what I wouldn't give to see your face again. Springtime in the city. Always such relief from the winter freeze. The snow was more lonely than cold. If you know what I mean. Everyone's got an agenda, don't stop. Keep that chin up, you'll be all right. Can you believe what a year it's been. Are you still the same? Has your opinion changed?'Cause I don't know you anymore. I don't recognize this place. The picture frames have changed and so has your name. We don't talk much anymore. We keep running from these sentences. But what I wouldn't give to see your face again. I know I let you downAgain and again. I know I never really treated you right. I've paid the price. I'm still paying for it every day. So maybe I shouldn't have called, Was it too soon to tell? Oh what the hell, It doesn't really matter. How do you redefine something that never really had a name? Has your opinion changed? Because I don't know you anymore, I don't recognize this place. The picture frames have changed and so has your name. We don't talk much anymore, We keep running from the pain, But what I wouldn't give to see your face again, I see your face I see your face.

Savage Garden